Hello and welcome to Dominik’s Little Old Purple Column the 31st of its kind coming to you from Canada where a week ago we were so full of optimism about a World Cup and now already every Canadian knows exactly what it is like to be Scottish in one of these things. And Welsh. Theme tune!
(Only availably on AUDIO version. Surprisingly)
What is the game that has dominated the life of your family?
For us? Over the course of the kids’ lives? It’s Mario Kart.
Mario Kart was probably the first game we ever played together as a family when our kids were small. And we started off with Battle Mode because it was the simplest low risk game that could stretch across what would have been ages of 5 and 40. And it’s been interesting to chart our history as gamers with how we played Super Mario Kart.
It started with Battle Mode when the kids were 5, 7 and 12.
And at that stage you really are playing your own game and lying to the youngest kids about how well they are doing.
Then after two years they are 7, 9, and 14. The younger ones get the game now, the oldest is bored. So, you go up to the proper Mario Kart racing. And you ask the 14-year-old quietly, surreptitiously, to let her brother and sister do better than they otherwise would.
Then a couple of years later the 14-year-old is 16 and she is now good enough to beat you, so YOU stop giving the little kids a chance.
Then a couple of years after that? In the blink of an eye? They are 11, 13 and 18 and now two of them are good enough to beat you, so you really are now getting a bit more competitive than a dad should be.
Two years after that the 20-year-old beats you all the time, the 15-year-old beats you most of the time, the only one you can beat is the 13-year-old and you have almost had enough of this “playing videogames with your kids” malarkey.
Then two years after that you have kids aged 15, 17 and 22 all of whom can beat you and take the piss while doing so. As a result, you declare Mario Kart is a silly little game for kids and you ask them to play you at FIFA instead knowing that they have grown up in Canada and don’t really “do” soccer.
And they say “no” and then YOU say, “Ah, that’s because you are all too scared of Dad. Losers.” And you leave the room. And the house. And you go to the pub where you meet someone else and go and marry them and have new kids so you have someone to play Mario Kart against you can actually BEAT at times.
When I spoke to the kids about this the other day, they all still remembered their best and worst Mario Kart performances. That is pretty important. That stuff like that looms large. They also all of them remembered two sounds. The “Yippee” when you crossed the finishing line and the sound of the final balloon popping in battle mode and that silent fade to black which, if I remember correctly, was mentioned by one of you lovely PAID PALS in the Domments section a while back when we were talking about best game sounds of all time.
I asked my kids to sum up Mario Kart in one word. They said, “No Dad, we’ve helped you enough for this week’s Column Podcast thing, we have much cooler stuff to do with our friends”. But finally, my oldest relented said something brilliant. Serotonin. That was her one word to describe Mario Kart. Serotonin. She nailed it. Mario Kart. Gaming serotonin for all ages.
(PIC Me. Mario. Kart. Still oozing serotonin after all these years!)
And on that nostalgic bombshell that is it from your free teaser version this week – click the button on the written version on Substack to become a PAID PAL with access to the full version which this week is five times the size of the teaser – you also get access to the comments section and archive. And obviously the smug satisfaction of supporting my work.
If not, I will see you in the free seats next week. Until then keep it little, keep it old, keep it purple. Oh yes – it’s the return of the theme tune for those listening to the audio version.
Dominik's Little Old Purple Column #31 FREE VERSION