Hello and welcome to Dominik’s Little Old Purple column, the 28th of its kind. Coming to you from Canada. That place across the water from most of you. Look. Can you see me? I’m waving. Oh no. It’s cloudy. Ah well. Here’s the theme tune!
My new dentist is posh. He is. He’s got videogames machines in his office. I say office, but this dentist is so large and sprawling and hi-tech it’s more like one of those luxury tech campus places like Google have for offices. Albeit Google offices where for some reason they love getting their teeth poked around with all the time.
I am no stranger to tech at dentists. I remember in Glasgow; I think the guy was called Lloyd Jerome back in the 2000s and he had TVs in the ceiling of his dentist which was amazing. He also had the wife of one of Teenage Fanclub working there as well which made it even cooler. And his dental place was also an art gallery. Damn. I miss the 2000s. They weren’t as good as the nineties but still, hell of a decade.
Dentist tech is interesting because most of it is designed to obfuscate. The TVs, the music, the special numbing gel machine. It’s all designed to distract you from the pain. Or at least the anxiety of the pain.
This was my first time at this dentist and as much as I love Nova Scotia it is not as hi tech as other Canadian provinces, so it blew me away to walk in there and see these games machines set up there. There were a couple off to the side of reception, so I imagine it’s for kids waiting to be seen. I can’t see how you can possibly play Grand Theft Auto 5 while you are getting root canal. Also, wouldn’t it be weird if you COULD play Grand Theft Auto 5 at the dentist. And you were playing that level where Trevor rips the guy’s teeth out AS YOU WERE GETTING A TOOTH TAKEN OUT in real life. That would be very Black Mirror.
There were no sign of games machines when I went into the dental part itself, but there were all manner of screens and gadgets, it made me almost sad that I was only in there for a couple of fillings. So, they froze my little old face up so I couldn’t feel the drill. That freeze stuff seems to get more and more powerful, these days it takes about 5 hours before you can talk, which was a bit problematic as I had to phone a doctor afterwards and ask for anti-depressant medication, which is a bit dodgy when you sound like you are drunk and stoned. Can you remember what it used to be like back in the days before they did that? When you were a kid? And you got the drill – straight up no chaser. Was there ever anything as painful as that? It was worse than stinging nettles.
(PIC: What we used to get put in our mouths as kids without anaesthetic. And the face I used to make whilst it happened. What a picture!)
I saw a sign in the dentist today that offered to put you to sleep totally for any procedure – for those who are really nervous and sensitive. I wonder these days if there is anyone who actually goes THE OTHER WAY. Anybody who goes to the dentist and says “hold the anaesthetic” just give me the drill. Chuck Norris, obviously. Part of me wants to know briefly what it feels like: just give me a wee tickle with it to see if it’s as bad as a I remember. But that’s the really stupid part of me. Does anyone out there get dentistry without anaesthetic? Anyone else got notable examples of tech or games at the dentist? Let me know in the comments section AKA The Domments Section. You free readers know what’s coming next: you can only use the comments section as a PAID PAL subscriber. Sorry. But I can’t afford to do this for free and it’s the PAID PALS that keep it going. Click the SUBSCRIBE button on the written version to become a PAID PAL for less than 4 quid a month and get a weekly column 4 sometimes 5 times the length of this one or stay free and I will see you in this part of life next week.
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Until then keep it little keep it old keep it purple.
Dominik's Little Old Purple Column #28 FREE VERSION