Hello and welcome to Dominik’s Little Old Purple Column the 41st of its kind, the tech and games column that thinks it’s a podcast or podcast that thinks it’s a column, thus reflecting the borderline bipolar personality of its host. And it has a theme tune.
(Well, it doesn’t unless you click on the audio version, eh?)
Apple are releasing a foldable iPad next year.
Good.
The best things in the history of the world have been things that can fold. Camping chairs for a start. Keeping camping buttocks dry since 1855.
I know. That seems a bit exact, doesn’t it? That is RESEARCH, people. It w as invented by Joseph Beverley Fenby. OK there was technically a folding chair discovered in what would have been Mesopotamia (now Iraq) that was 4500 years old but that was minging.
Another great thing that folds? Newspapers. Remember them? They were great. They were like the internet you could use in a powercut. They even had cartoons.
And cash. Remember that? The paper equivalent of your credit card. Nothing beat the feeling of getting your pay in cash in an envelope and folding it into your pocket, eh?
And Letters. Remember them? They were like emails you could hold in your hands. They folded. They were even more difficult to unsend, though. You would write them then fold them and put them in an envelope to a sweetheart or your Mum. Or in my hometown that could be the same person. What’s the problem? It saved on the price of a stamp.
What is it about foldable tech that appeals to us? It’s quite simple really. Obviously so you can make things easier to hold/insert/stash. And there is also the famous proverb “a folded thing is a protected thing” NO I DID NOT JUST MAKE THAT UP IT’S TRUE!!!
If something is folded up, certainly as far as things with screens are concerned, then the screen can’t break so easily. Talking of which: what brand of phone screen protector do people use out there in World World?
I use these bargain ones from Amazon, from a company called JE Tech and top marks to them for the most ironic use of the word “bargain” since Ratner’s. They are utter shit on toast.
Or are they?
They actually have a rating of 4.5 stars on Amazon from nearly 66,000 ratings. They are even an Amazon Choice. Well, they are a Dominik Diamond Choice as well. Dominik Diamond’s Choice for shite.
Or are they?
They are only 10 bucks and to be fair my phone screen has never cracked in all the time I’ve used them. But they have. The actual screen protector. Cracks pretty much every time I drop it. Which seems to miss the point. Yes, they have technically protected my screen as the name suggests but surely you buy a screen protector, so you don’t have to decipher what you are viewing on your phone through a spiderweb of cracks?
(PIC: Me trying to use my phone. Yesterday.)
This is the third pack of these I’ve bought which I guess means I am Amazon Choice for Total Fucking Mug Punter. Maybe I just drop my phone harder than 66,000 other people in which case… where’s my reality TV show? I have seen worse ones. We could call it Real Hard Houseman of Nova Scotia.
“Dominik Diamond has a problem. He drops things harder than anybody else. This means he goes through more phone screen protectors than anyone on the planet and can never fulfil his dreams of being a rugby international centre or midwife.”
And then each week myself and a normal human being drop the same object to compare how much more damage I do. Don’t miss the end of season cliff-hanger featuring a supposedly unbreakable glass vial filled with the Ebola virus.
If you have any suggestions for decent phone screen protectors let me know in the Domments Section but you can only feel the joy of contributing to my wellbeing on the phone screen front by feeling the joy of contributing to my wellbeing on the “feeding my kids” front: By becoming a PAID PAL subscriber. Less than the price of a shit fast food coffee a week gets you access to the Domments Section AKA the Comments Section and the archive and full version of this audio textual borderline sexual emission transmission thing which is 4-5 times the length of the free version you currently hold in your hands, ears or imagination.
If not? Then fair enough but the candle has waned on this week’s free teaser. I must douse it with petrol and spark it up for the PAID PALS after the jump. Until next week free friends keep it little keep it old keep it purple!
Dominik's Little Old Purple Column #41 FREE TEASER