Hello and welcome to Dominik’s Little Old Purple Column the 44th of its kind, coming to you from the eve of another bloody snowstorm out here in Atlantic Canada. This time we are getting up to 8 inches in our face. And we’ll get some snow as well. Classic joke form. You are welcome. Here’s the theme tune!
OK don’t worry I am not going to spoil anything here, but I want to mention one tiny thing about The Last of Us TV Adaptation, which is more of a point about all TV adaptations. Or rather something that irritates me about what certain people say about them. Especially if those TV shows (and movies) are fantasy or sci fi or horror in nature.
Don’t worry PAID PAL subscribers will get your usual full digest of this week’s episode at the end the Column Podcast Colcast as per usual, I just thought I’d throw out this morsel to the freeloaders. I know they don’t deserve it like you do but what can I say not all heroes wear capes although, bizarrely, I do wear a cape most days. And the rest of the Superman costume. Which some people find a bit weird.
I read two different reviews of The Last of Us this week that quibbled about batteries and camera film.
“Wouldn’t the batteries have all ran out by now.”
“Why does the film in the camera even work after all this time.”
I utterly hate when people mention things like that.
“The batteries wouldn't work. This show is so dumb. How can I believe in a show where they have batteries working when clearly batteries wouldn’t be working after all this time!”
“Why are they looking at a photo, the film would have desiccated now. They can’t even get little things like the correct aging effects on camera film correct. This show is rubbish!”
Fuck off. This is a sci-fi show. It’s not real. It’s fantasy. It’s a show about infected zombie things. It’s not a Discovery Channel documentary on ionisation degradation of camera film.
It’s a show that has human fucking mushrooms who can communicate over kilometres through their mushroom bits. It’s not an Open University documentary about electricity storage.
Yeah I think I completely made up that phrase ionisation degradation. And why not? It’s a recap of a sci-fi show. Realism can leave by the front door! Actually Ionisation Degradation was almost certainly a song that ALMOST got on that first Manic Street Preachers album, eh?
(PIC I waxed lyrical about Melanie Lynskey’s performance in Good Girls for those who thought she was ace as Kathleen in The Last of Us. I am LOVING her work in the excellent Yellowjackets as well. See above!)
This happens with reviews of Fear the Walking Dead. There is one reviewer who cannot stop mentioning in every single episode recap that this or that plot line doesn’t make sense because their walkie talkie radios wouldn’t reach that distance. Or he will ask why did a character manage to turn his walkie talkie on at the precise moment someone else was calling for them. He literally says the show is shite because they don’t follow the rules on how walking talkies work. Every week.
It’s a zombie apocalypse show. It’s not real. The fact that they break the rules on how walkie talkies work in the real world does not make Fear The Walking Dead shite, you silly sausage. There are a MILLION other reasons why Fear The Walking Dead is shite: The plot. The dialogue. The characters. There’s three things for a start.
It’s like the ultimate killjoys who say after every Star Wars movie, “Well, you know you wouldn’t actually hear that Tie Fighter noise because you can’t actually hear noise in space!”
Really? You don’t actually have little dwarf guys with big flappy ears lifting X Wings out of swamps in space either. You don’t actually have teddy bears kicking the shit out of At At walkers with stones and a bit of string in space. And you don’t actually have a guy falling in love with his own sister and kissing her in space, which came as a real disappointment to astronauts from certain Scottish islands.
And on that low hanging fruit obvious punchline to a classic three part gag structure that is it for the free teaser version this week. See you after the jump PAID PALS otherwise bye bye and you can stick this theme tune where the sun don’t shine. In the audio version. Or as usual click the button below for options to sign up to the full version which is five times the length of this. Cheers.
Dominik's Little Old Purple Column #44 FREE TEASER