Hello and welcome to Dominik’s Little Old Purple Column the 34th of its kind. Coming to you ahead of yet another biblical storm set to sweep over us in Nova Scotia with rain and tides and wind and knock our power out tomorrow again. Merry Christmas!
Do you ever switch on your computer and fire up Microsoft edge or whatever and find a story that targets you so precisely it scares the shit out of you? In terms of what the virtual world is watching, listening, surveying and algorithming about you from what you are typing on your computer, phone, or whatnot. I had one this week. Now as you know I have been playing a lot of games recently on Apple Arcade on my phone. Especially Marvel Snap which I am really feeling could be my game of the year!
If you want my FULL review of it then it is in last week’s PAID PALS version of the column which you can get with a super bargain monthly sub which costs less than 4 quid for something that is usually five times the length of the free version.
So yes, I am spending lots of time playing games on my cellphone and I am now officially worried because where is the one place you always use your phone to play games? Yes. On the toilet. In the khazi. Within the confines of the smallest room.
(PIC I was playing Marvel Snap in the toilet for so long I ended up with a massive download… BOOM! GET IN THERE!)
Don’t pretend this isn’t true. There are only two types of people in the world – people who play with their cellphone on the toilet and people who lie about not playing their cellphone on the toilet. And I am sorry for calling them cellphones instead of mobile phones. I know you call them mobile phones in the UK, but this is one of those case where I think the word we use in Canada is better. Cellphone is a better word than mobile because companies are always calling me up to try and sell me different cellphones. That is just pure science and grammar working in perfect harmony, innit?
So how long is too long to sit on the bog? Ok. Are you sitting down? In a proper chair?
“You generally don’t want to spend more than about on average about 10 minutes,” said Dr. Roshini Raj, a gastroenterologist at NYU Langone, and the author of “Gut Renovation,” a book about digestive health. Now THERE is a book that should be on all Christmas Wish Lists. I know the general consensus is that GamesMaster The Oral History is the one to go for, but I think Gut Renovation by Dr Roshini Raj is pushing it close. In fact, I am considering contacting Dr Roshini Raj to suggest a joint sequel to both our tomes called Gut Renovation An Oral History.
And no – I am not going to go into the whys and what fors as to why 10 minutes is the maximum time because it’s bowel science and there was quite enough of that a few weeks ago with the stuff about the SHART machine, suffice it is to do with the laws of physics and gravity and things hanging down for longer than they should be. Note to self: bowel science great name for possible Black Sabbath album.
And on that BUMSHELL. Yes. See what I did there? That is it for the free teaser version of the column podcast this week. In the paid version I have a go at another so called Game of the Year, tech news about solving an age old problem, dodgy photos of you that are making it onto the internet and something on the internet you can stop feeling so guilty about/ I will see you paid pal subscribers for that stuff after the jump, you free teaser sorts can have another blast of that theme tune though, eh?
Dominik's Little Old Purple Column #34 FREE TEASER