Dominik's Little Old Purple Column
Dominik's Little Old Purple Column
Dominik's Little Old Purple Column #43 FREE TEASER
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Dominik's Little Old Purple Column #43 FREE TEASER

The one about that game update

Hello and welcome to Dominik’s Little Old Purple Column coming to you from Canada where I have to fill out my annual performance review for my radio job!

I was going to say I find this kind of thing boring and unnecessary but then I remembered our new GM is a hardcore OG gamer who recently bought an old SNES and a ton of games so he might be listening/reading. In which case I hope I get through this boring video games and tech shite ASAP so I can get back to being wonderfully creative about goal setting and blue sky thinking outside of the box. Theme tune!

Who has played Final Fantasy VII? Hands up!

(Did anyone actually put their hands up for real there? I bet you did. I can’t actually see you, you know. It feels like I can, though, eh? That’s because of the insane level of engagement of my voice and writing. As Donald Trump says, “everyone is saying that! Many, many people!” )

<listen to audio version for self deprecating sound effects undercutting this>

Ok. Who has played Final Fantasy VII Remake? Put your hands up.

Jeez. Some of you dummies put your hands up AGAIN. What the actual fuck? There is no getting through to you, eh?

I am playing Final Fantasy VII Remake just now. I went into a bit of detail about the character Cloud and what he… er… means to me in last week’s column podcast colcast thing but that was in the paid version, so you’ll have to become a PAID PAL subscriber to access the archive and the full versions of the weekly thing.

So far? I am… a bit disappointed by FF7R - does anybody call it that for short? I assume so. I am halfway through it in terms of chapter numbers and… er… it’s all a teeny bit fucking dull.

The original was my greatest immersive gaming experience of the 90s. I hadn’t engaged emotionally with a game like that in my life before. Also, I had never imagined a game could have a world that large. I could barely get my head around the size of it. And that is where the remake is immediately disappointing. It only focuses on the Midgard sections, and they were always the dullest part. I felt the original didn’t really get started until you’d left that city, then the game had layers like a big fat gaming onion. But the remake? I feel I’ve spent 15 hours wandering slums and factories at sometimes laboriously slow speeds.

I do absolutely love the look of the updated characters, though. As well as my total mancrush on Cloud I think the updated Aerith has so much personality in her face, it’s really quite incredible. And yes, when you summon a demon, especially on a big fancy TV, that really is graphically off the scale. It leaps out at you. It’s basically the gaming equivalent of going to see Iron Maiden or Pink Floyd or the My Chemical Romance Black Parade tour. Which I saw three times. Emo to the MAX!

(PIC - A big scary thing. And Ifrit from FF7R)

Should I keep going with the game though? Or move on to something else? Let me know in the Domments Section if you are a PAID PAL subscriber but if you just get the free version of this rather than the one that is 5 times the length (actually this week it’s more like 7-8 times it) then you can send a raven or try telepathy or knock on my bathroom window if you’re that bloke who hangs outside it.

Yeah. You thought I couldn’t see you, eh? That’s pure shit you right up now, eh?

And on that bizarre “who’s stalking who” scenario bombshell? That is it for the free teaser version this week– those folk who support my work like top lads and lassies see me after the jump otherwise bye bye until next week and if you are freebeeing it in audio then you have to listen to the theme tune again. That’ll teach you!

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